Monday, July 20, 2009

Time Heals: Out of the Cave, and into the Peaceful Light....

Recently I have begun to notice a feeling of peace and calm that I cannot ever remember ever feeling before. Stress, chaos, desperation and fear are terms I would have used prior to now.

There was ALWAYS some kind of emergency or chaos going on, and I mean always. Especially the last few years, as I fought to save a dying marriage, draining myself to a husk that functioned only in reaction to whatever emergency was closest. I didn't take care of myself. My creativity was drained, and doing things for "fun" didn't even come up on my radar, and I wasn't a very good friend.

Now I feel this since of well being and peace that is just magic. I am still just taking it in. It didn't happen all at once, it's been a slow, slow, process of over 3 years, with changes happening so slowly I didn't really notice, until now, just how much had changed.

What I want to share with everyone is Time Heals, and that it takes time to do it. It's one of those cliche's we've all heard when we are hurting, and that make us want to SCREAM and hurt the person who is saying it. I guess the reason things get to be cliche's is they are true. Just keep plugging along, find time for yourself and your friends and CREATE. Give yourself permission to be happy!

Friday, July 17, 2009

Focus Friday

Thrifty and Chic Mom has a Focus Friday Challenge/Support thing going. It sounds like a GREAT idea to me. Especially after getting so behind on EVERYTHING in my life during the past 3 months Donna has been so sick, I have a bad time with procrastination and becoming exhausted and giving up just from thinking about what I have to get done. Taking things in small bite sized pieces would be much more productive.

Here's what she has to say about Focus Friday's. I also have her button over on my sidebar so you can check her site out for yourself. I want to get serious about coupons and sales to make my money go farther, and she is a great resource for this.

"New to Focus Friday here is the scoop: As we enter a new year everyone, myself included, has a list as long as their arm of things they want to accomplish. So I have decided to hold myself accountable by choosing one thing to focus on each week. It can be big or small, it doesn’t matter just as long as I specify what it is and get it done.So each week I will post my focus for the upcoming week as well as give a recap of how my week went with the previous focus. Now here is the fun part, I want you to join me on my little focus challenge. Grab my fancy button from above and post it along with your Focus Friday each week on your own blog. Then come and leave your link here in the Mr.Linky below. I promise if you participate that I will cheer you on and help you to stay focused and please do the same for me and all the participants. If you don’t blog just leave your focus in a comment below."

This next week I will be focusing on:

-getting and keeping my floors clean
-getting and keeping the kitchen counters clean
-taking care of snail mail backlog -- incoming
-sending some late packages and swaps -- outgoing
-making special time for my daughter and I
-making special time for just myself

It's all pretty basic stuff, but basic is where I need to start. What are you going to focus on?

Focus Friday


Ok, I have a concrete good and wonderful thing which has happened to me because of the Obama administration. The homeowner's assistance program. It's been difficult adjusting to being a single mother. The bills didn't magically cut in half just because Jim stopped contributing money to the household. I am only now actually making enough money to pay all of my bills. The problem is getting caught up from when I was NOT making enough money. Fortunately, my church helped me stay out of foreclosure, but I have been in default for a long time.

Prior to the Obama thing, the only thing Chase wanted to do was INCREASE my mortgage payments. Like that's going to help!! With this new bill, they immediately CUT my mortgage by 600 per month for 3 months, while I fill out paperwork and they figure out how best to help me get caught up and staying in my house. They will probably lower my interest rate and add a year or so to the end of my mortgage term to roll the behind payments into and lower my monthly payments permanently. If they keep my mortgage at 1200 per month, I will be able to get caught up, save some money and not have to take in any more roommates when Donna is gone.

I have worried about how things would work out without the income from her rent and the care I give her. Granted, I would go back to pharmacy full time, which pays double what the state pays caregivers, but I probably still would have to take in a roommate to make the 1800 payment. I have been trusting God would work things out, I just didn't know how. It is a real testimony builder that there are solutions to problems out there that we cannot even begin to imagine. Just because I can't figure out how it will work doesn't mean there isn't a way for it to work. My job is to keep my eyes and ears open and watch for opportunities. Opportunity may knock, but we have to open the door!

Back from the Brink

As many of you know, I'm the caregiver to a close friend who lives with me. She has been very, very sick since my last post in April. I have pretty much let everything go except caring for her, my daughter and work. Even then, I still managed to get pneumonia twice myself, this last time pretty badly.

Once again, Donna has beaten the odds, and is medically stable again. It isn't really possible for her to get "well" again, but we are hoping she will get well enough to go on a few day trips this summer. She is having platelet and hematacrit problems, as well as chronic infections. She's one tough cookie though, and she's not done living yet. I am really grateful, as she has been a pillar in my process of recovery from this divorce. I know I wouldn't be nearly as healthy, or happy, as I am becoming, were it not for her love and support.

I have also recovered from my illnesses, and am back at working 2 jobs, and I have hope that someday my house will be clean again. It is common knowlege thta I am NOT MARTHA. I am the messy artist type, a diehard collector, clutterbug, and I don't dust. I have way too much stuff, and am only now learning to get rid of some of it. I sold on ebay for years, but their new fee structure and rating system make it harder for a small person to be successful. Also, more importantly, I really don't have the energy to be a pharmacy technician 100 hours per month, a caregiver 180 hours a month, a mom, AND sell on ebay. Not unless I want to crash and burn again.

So, for now I am sitting on the boxes of stuff I need to sell. They'll still be there, along with the bills I will pay with the money. Thanks for everyone's support and prayers.